Dumpster Diving and Murder
by abbykaddabby
Summary: "Oh no...oh crap no, tell me he didn't...that jerk! My poor poor Luredonnah...I can't believe it." HUMAN!STUCK again! Sorry if it sucks! Wrote this one for you, my little Hannaleh.:3 Only rated T cause hah, if there is language in this, it's very little. So yeah! Read, enjoy, and review! And if you liked it, follow me X See you guys next time!


**A/N:Since this IS Human!Stuck, a name or two had to be changed! Soooo,**

**Leona=Pounce DeLeon!**

I'm home sick from school. Again. Ew. Being sick _majorly _sucks. I got no idea why everyone wishes for it so much. Anyway, I'm sitting upside down upstairs in mum's leather recliner, throwing a ball for my little Jack when my phone buzzes. Picking it up I'm puzzled, Karkat and everyone else should be in school. I shrug and look at the message, my face becoming troubled as I finished. Oh, oh no...oh no no no! He-he didn't...oh my poor poor Luredonnah...

The message on my phone reads, "Hey Erinka. This is Leona. Sollux broke up with Luredonnah via text and she does not know yet. I wanted you to know. I need to tell her after school."

Oh geez no...Tell me he didn't really do it...oh crap! I could honestly kill him. He told her he loved her. That they were going to get married. And she believed him. She believed _every last word _of it!

Well. It's already two. I got half an hour before I can go see her. Not enough to contemplate murder. I'll have to save that for later. I stand and stretch, coughing and walk downstairs. Mum is nowhere to be found. Not any different than usual. Oh well, I don't really care anyway. I'm usually left alone. Mum's always out gambling and getting drunk while Equius spends all his time in his workshop.

I sigh and look for my Elvis and Panic! At The Disco CD's and some mourning food. I find the Oreo's and some Faygo that Gamzee had left last time Lurie, _he who will never be named again_, himself, Karkat, and I had all hung out. I pack all of this in a black duffel and search for other things to try and cheer my little Leo up again. I drop the duffel off by the door and run back up the stairs, stopping at the top to cough again and shake my head.

"Pathetic..." I mumble hoarsely and continue down the hall. I walk into my room and go through my vast collection of

RomComs(thanks to Karkat) and Horror movies(thanks to myself.) I pick up a few that I know Lurie likes and slip on a pair of converses. I roll up the sleeves of my black Jacksonville State sweatshirt and stretch again, enjoying the pleasant POP of my back.

I sigh contentedly and start down the hall, another round of coughing reminding me to stop by the bathroom and grab the bag of CoughDrops from it. I blink in relief when I find it's new and full. I take one and close my eyes as I feel it working already. '_Looks like something's gone right today_...' I think to myself as I take them and the RomComs downstairs and pack them neatly into the duffle.

I jump as the front door opens and hold my throat as the surprise sets off another round of coughs. Equius is staring at me like I'm some apparition and I glare back at him for frightening me.

"Erinka?! What are you doing here?!"

"I'm sick, dummy. Mum said I could stay home today."

"No way! Whenever _I _was sick with a cold mum _always _made me go!"

I stick out my tongue at him. "That's cause mum likes me better!"

He rolls his eyes at me and brushes by me, mumbling a, "Foolishness, she does not," in his wake. I flick him off as he goes by and he shouts out an, "I saw that!" To which I reply, "You did not!" And laugh as I grab my duffel and slip out the door.

Shutting it behind me, I make my way to my, not black but candy red Volvo. I smile as I place the bag and it's sacred items in the passenger seat and start the car. It's now three. And Luredonnah knows.

000

I pull into the driveway and get out. Walking around to the other side, I pull the bag out and slam the door shut. As I walk up to the front door, it's flung open and I hear, "APPLEPIE!" before I am tackled by a very excited Luredonnah.

"Well, hey there!"

"How are you?! What's in the bag?!" she asks, crawling off of me. I chuckle and pet her head.

"Now, now, Lurie, you'll just have to wait and see. I'm doing just fine, how about you?" I ask her with a concerned look.

She shrugs and smiles.

"I'm cool now, when mom first told me we were in the parking lot. I had a break down in the car–" She's interrupted when I start laughing. I couldn't help it, she just sounded so excited about it. I knew she'd be fine. "I had a spasm in the car! You think that's funny, Erinka?!"

"Yes!" I manage to say between coughs and laughter. She rolls her eyes and stands up, offering me a hand. I take it and she helps me up. I grab the bag and she nods to the door, motioning for me to go inside.

"Hey, Mrs. L!" I call out from the front room.

"Oh, hello, Erinka!" She comes into the front room and smiles at me. "Luredonnah knew you'd be here sooner or later." I smile back at her and nod.

"Well, looks like she was right! Here I am, sick as a dog but ready to go!" I grin at her and she laughs.

"You want anything to eat?"

I pat my bag.

"No thanks, Mrs. L. Got all I need."

Luredonnah came in and shut the door behind her, instantly dragging me off to her room.

"Bye mom!" She called as she led me in and shut the door. I laugh and shake my head and she gives me a look that says, 'What?...' I just shake my head again and flop down on her bed, pulling out my drops and taking two. She laughs and sits down after shutting the door. "Sooooo, what's in the bag?!"

I grin and sit up, opening it and pulling out the Faygo's and Oreo's. "This for food," and then the P!ATD and Elvis, "these for music," and then the RomComs and Horrors, "and these for entertainment!"

She sifts through the stuff and grabs the Oreo's, cracking open the package and taking one before handing it to me. I nod and take one as well, turning it around before eating it and smiling. She nods to the CD player and I grab P!ATD's album "A Fever You Can't Sweat Out" and slip it in, skipping it to Track 15.

_'It's these substandard motels on the (lalalalala) corner of 4th and Fremont Street. _

_Appealing only because they are just that un-appealing. _

_Any practiced catholic would cross themselves upon entering. _

_The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde, _

_And the habit of decomposing right before your very (lalalala) eyes.'_

I see her grin and I smile back as we both belt out the next few verses.

"Along with the people inside!

What a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin.

Accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie.

She's getting a job at the firm come Monday.

The Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney,

moonlighting aside, she really needs his money.

Oh, wonderful caricature of intimacy.

Yeah (Yeah)

And not to mention, the constable, and his proposition, for that "virgin." Yes, the one the lawyer met with on "strictly business" as he said to the Mrs. Well, only hours before, after he had left, she was fixing her face in a compact.

There was a terrible crash (There was a terrible crash.)

Between her and the badge.

She spilled her purse and her bag, and held a "purse" of a different kind."

We both gasp and take a break sitting back on the bed to enjoy the song.

_'Along with the people inside._

_What a wonderful caricature of intimacy._

_Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy._

_There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses. _

_It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses. _

_At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains. _

_And a few more of your least favorite things._

_Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses._

_It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses._

_And the shade of the sheets and before all the stains._

_And a few more of your least favorite things._

_Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy._

_Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy._

_Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses. _

_It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses. _

_And the shade of the sheets and before all the stains. _

_And a few more of your least favorite things.'_

And then we both sing the last verse together.

"Raindrops on roses and the girls in white dresses.

And sleeping with the roaches and the taking best guesses.

And the shade of the sheets and before all the stains.

And a few more of your least favorite things."

The CD plays more that we know and we occasionally sing along as we chat about nothing in general.

Eventually we pop in Titanic and while I go completely into it, mouthing every line because I had memorized by heart, Karkat made me watch it so many times; Luredonnah sits behind me, braiding and unbraiding my hair, brushing it back out everytime she finished. I purr quietly because it feels nice and she laughs, finishing a braid and taking it back out.

This goes on until the movie ends and I turn to look at her.

"What now?"

She shrugs and I get an idea.

"Wanna go beat the crap out of some jerks? I'm sure Karkat'll help!"

She grins and I know I said it right.

"Let's do it!"

000

It's been about thirty minutes since we left and picked up Karkat but we still couldn't find him. Lurie checked FaceBook again and cried out in triumph when she found out where he was.

She blinked and coughed as she read it but shook her head. I give her a concerned look from the rear view mirror and she gives me a small smile.

"I'm fine. He's at the mall...with Fef..."

"Oh no. Oh _heck _ to the no. You ready to kick some scrawny Asain Boy butt?"

"Oh yeah! Let's do it!" Karkat laughed and shook his head at our apparent bloodthirstiness but knew we'd never touch him.

We'd just verbally abuse the crap out of him. And Karkat knew he deserved it. He WAS worried about the girl though. He knew we would not hesitate to attack her. And blinked as we pulled into the parking lot.

I turned to Luredonnah and gave her a wicked smile.

"You ready?"

She grinned back and got out of the car.

"Of course."

"You guys wanna go dumpster diving after this?" Karkat asked with a teasing grin. I blink and grin back.

"Sure! Sounds fun!"

"Me too! I wanna go!" Luredonnah matched my grin and we hooked arms.

He looked from one of us to the other, opening and closing his mouth as if looking for something to say but just facepalmed.

"I guess we're going dumpster diving then..."

"Dumpster diving and murder, all in the same day! Wow, so exciting!" Lurie giggles and I shake my head, starting off towards the entrance with either one of them at my side. This, was gonna be fun.

**A/N:And another, Sorry! Hah:3 Don't worry my duckies! M'in quite the good mood today so you gets two items! Tada! And I'm super tired so, sorry if this sucks and all! Hope you can forgive me:3 And, Hannahleh, Spence is a jerk. You're better off.**


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